Economic expression

The first is from an author’s response to a referree:

Example 1

"The referee’s comments were helpful and gave us a better perspective of our work. So I accept the referee’s comments and attach my replies to them. I feel that the revised manuscript is a great improvement on the original. I am enclosing the revised manuscript and my replies to the comments of the referees in duplicate. Also, please find enclosed the revised manuscript on floppy disc."

Let’s break this paragraph into its components:

A   The referee’s comments were helpful and gave us a better perspective of our work.
B   So I accept the referee’s comments and attach my replies to them.
C   I feel that the revised manuscript is a great improvement on the original.
D   I am enclosing the revised manuscript and my replies to the comments of the referees in duplicate.
E   Also, please find enclosed the revised manuscript on floppy disc.

These sentences contain multiple repetitions and redundant information. The mental price it charges the reader is too high for the information it delivers. Let’s sell the reader the same information, but for less 'mental¥':

"^AThe referee’s comments ^Chave helped us to significantly improve our manuscript. ^DI enclose a hard copy of the revised manuscript and reply to the referee’s comments in duplicate, and ^Ea copy of the manuscript on floppy disc."

We’ve eliminated B, and combined the others into their most essential form. Requirement 2 now is fulfilled; the ideas are expressed economically.

Also note that, we have satisfied Requirement 1 at the same time. For example, D and E, being coordiante ideas, are now expressed using parallel grammar. Because the requirements are related, improvements in one often results in improvements in the other.

Example 2

 "^ABy the analysis of radioactivity in subcellular fractions obtained by centrifugal fractionation of liver from the rats which received an oral dose of 13C-uracil, ^Bit was shown that 33.8% of liver radioactivity was recovered in the microsomal fraction and 24.3% was recovered in the cytosol fraction."

The pattern '^ABy the analysis of X, ^Bit was shown that Y.’ can be simplified to ‘Analysis of X showed Y.’ Several other improvements can be made:
 "^AAnalysis of subcellular fractions obtained by centrifugation of liver from the rats which received an oral dose of 13C-uracil Bshowed that 33.8% of radioactivity occurred in the microsomal fraction and 24.3% in the cytosol fraction."

Example 3

"^ADog chow and tap water were analysed periodically. ^BNo contaminants were seen which might have had an adverse effect on the results of the study."

Two ideas can be compressed into one:
"^APeriodic analysis of dog chow and tap water showed no ^Bcontaminants which might have interfered with the results of the study."